Parenting the Facebook Generation
March 2, 2009
My aunt runs a successful community focused towards empty nesters and the all important "mom" demographic (www.emptynestsupport.com). She recently showed me a post from one of her members about dealing with children who are living in the very public social networking world. She asked if I would help her with this and at first I was very hesitant about this, not being a parent myself, until reading some of the examples she sent me. This one was extremely poignant:"Your daughter changed her relationship status to 'in a relationship' and the boy in question was so embarrassed by the resulting teasing from his friends that he dumped her." After reading this and other examples like it I felt that I would offer my thoughts on this situation.
As a psychology major in my undergrad we studied extensivly the development of children and the influence of their peers and subsequent peer pressure. We all know that high school is extremely difficult for the vast majority of us and that many kids struggle with it. In the past, while kids are extremely social and share almost everything with their friends the environment was much more controlled. Now with the advent of Facebook and MySpace the environment is almost completly uncontrolled. Kids can say whatever they want and everyone will be able to see it. This poses an unbelievable assualt on children and their ever precious self-esteem.
I am not of the thinking that you should shelter your kids so they don't have any chance of being hurt. But this doesn't mean that I think you should let kids get ridiculed without remorse or action. This brings me to my thoughts on how to handle having children in the social network generation. Please bear in mind that I do not have kids so I am coming at this as someone who has grown up with Facebook and the social networks.
It is inevitable that children will get made fun of and people will be mean to them. That is just the way the world works so I'm not going to beat around the bush. With this in mind it is more important to teach your kids how to deal with these situations and the ways that they can be careful and prevent some of the unwarented attacks. My first suggestion would be to get your children off of MySpace. This is just not the place that you should have your children. It has evolved into something that is just not conducive to safety and good times. I strongly suggest allowing them on Facebook, becuase it has much better privacy settings and is all around much more safe. In the coming days I will have a post about Facebook privacy settings but for now just do some simple research online, there are hundreds of posts about it. Once the research is done TALK to your child.
I am getting the feeling that the conversation revolving around social networking will be akin to the infamous birds and the bees that every parent must have with their kids. Now i know that for some parents this is an extremely difficult proposition, trust me I know as I'm not that far removed from having those talks given to me. This talk needs to revolve around what to share and all the things kids do on Facebook. You have seen the PSAs that are on TV about this topic but those are a little utopic for me. Kids don't want to hear from someone who doesn't know what they are talking about, and trust me they will think you don't know what you are talking about with social networking. This is why I advocated doing the research and learning what goes on on these sites. Try to think of analogus situations in your childhood and ways to control their very public lives.
I know you know how to parent so I'm not going to tell you what you should and shouldn't do in situations because everyone and every situation is different. But please keep in mind these are things that will help navigate these troubled waters. The following is a list of Do's and Don'ts I think parents should keep in mind.
Oh and as for the example I gave earlier, I would tell that parent to deal with that situation just like her daughter was dumped for any other reason.
My final thought is that HIGH SCHOOL KIDS ARE RUTHLESS, and that high school is only temporary, and does not mean their world will come to an end if they aren't the most popular.
As a psychology major in my undergrad we studied extensivly the development of children and the influence of their peers and subsequent peer pressure. We all know that high school is extremely difficult for the vast majority of us and that many kids struggle with it. In the past, while kids are extremely social and share almost everything with their friends the environment was much more controlled. Now with the advent of Facebook and MySpace the environment is almost completly uncontrolled. Kids can say whatever they want and everyone will be able to see it. This poses an unbelievable assualt on children and their ever precious self-esteem.
I am not of the thinking that you should shelter your kids so they don't have any chance of being hurt. But this doesn't mean that I think you should let kids get ridiculed without remorse or action. This brings me to my thoughts on how to handle having children in the social network generation. Please bear in mind that I do not have kids so I am coming at this as someone who has grown up with Facebook and the social networks.
It is inevitable that children will get made fun of and people will be mean to them. That is just the way the world works so I'm not going to beat around the bush. With this in mind it is more important to teach your kids how to deal with these situations and the ways that they can be careful and prevent some of the unwarented attacks. My first suggestion would be to get your children off of MySpace. This is just not the place that you should have your children. It has evolved into something that is just not conducive to safety and good times. I strongly suggest allowing them on Facebook, becuase it has much better privacy settings and is all around much more safe. In the coming days I will have a post about Facebook privacy settings but for now just do some simple research online, there are hundreds of posts about it. Once the research is done TALK to your child.
I am getting the feeling that the conversation revolving around social networking will be akin to the infamous birds and the bees that every parent must have with their kids. Now i know that for some parents this is an extremely difficult proposition, trust me I know as I'm not that far removed from having those talks given to me. This talk needs to revolve around what to share and all the things kids do on Facebook. You have seen the PSAs that are on TV about this topic but those are a little utopic for me. Kids don't want to hear from someone who doesn't know what they are talking about, and trust me they will think you don't know what you are talking about with social networking. This is why I advocated doing the research and learning what goes on on these sites. Try to think of analogus situations in your childhood and ways to control their very public lives.
I know you know how to parent so I'm not going to tell you what you should and shouldn't do in situations because everyone and every situation is different. But please keep in mind these are things that will help navigate these troubled waters. The following is a list of Do's and Don'ts I think parents should keep in mind.
- Do your research into the privacy settings and ways that these networks work.
- Do talk to your child about online safety and privacy.
- Do know that social networks are just like them being at school getting made fun of and treat the two situations as one.
- Do not tell your child to not use social networks, they will rebel, with the exception of MySpace, do whatever it takes to get them off this site.
- Do not think your talks will fall on deaf ears, we hear you even if we don't look like it.
- Do not treat these attacks will end just because you talked to them.
- Do let them have their privacy online. Do not go snooping around and then confront them with information you found. This will enrage your child and then your in trouble.
Oh and as for the example I gave earlier, I would tell that parent to deal with that situation just like her daughter was dumped for any other reason.
My final thought is that HIGH SCHOOL KIDS ARE RUTHLESS, and that high school is only temporary, and does not mean their world will come to an end if they aren't the most popular.
Posted by Garrett Scott. Posted In : Social Media
My name is Garrett Scott and I have a tremendous passion for all things internet related. I am an online marketing guy who loves the worlds of Social Media and Social Media Marketing with a whole lot of SEM rolled in.
